Buddha
(if any of the following hurts or disrespects anyone or there religion in anyway, it was not intended to)
*so there was this guy a philospher or something named Buddha, and he was looking for an explination of life or something to that extent. anyways this guy buddha goes to this tree that was called the Tree oF KnoWledge ( i think) this kid vows to not leave the tree till hes found his answer, so he sat in meditation for the longest time and then i guess he found the answers and was like Hey ill form a religion based on my theories of life. and low and behold ....this religion was Buddhism....see...buddha...buddhism...ca
tching on?
so the actual definiton of Buddhism is
Bud"dhism\, n. The religion based upon the doctrine originally taught by the Hindoo sage Gautama Siddartha, surnamed Buddha, ``the awakened or enlightened,'' in the sixth century b. c., and adopted as a religion by the greater part of the inhabitants of Central and Eastern Asia and the Indian Islands. Buddha's teaching is believed to have been atheistic; yet it was characterized by elevated humanity and morality. It presents release from existence (a beatific enfranchisement, Nirvana) as the greatest good. Buddhists believe in transmigration of souls through all phases and forms of life.
anyways..that was my little history lesson that kinda ties into what i wanted to write in my lovely little bible here.
Those of you who know me quite well, and after reading this...everyone else.....know that in november of my eighth grade year, i was hospitalized for attempted suicide...and even after that even tho it shocked me back to reality i still cut myself sometimes....it took me quite sometime to get well...un fucked up. LOTS OF TIME at The psychiatrists and psycologists and hundreds of thousands of mg's of zoloft....i sit back and say to myself WTF was i thinking. So finally i was at a point where i was happy to be alive but not really happy. and i surrounded myself with these people who ..were just as fucked up as i was. So i decided to do some mediating myself...and no i didnt pull out a spongy little mat, light some candles and inhale and exhale for hours, i just thought, not for real long each time but for the last couple of months ive been happy and its because ive figured out whats going on, who i am, and what my real passions are. There were some people that treated me like shit, and i loved to complain about it, because well i was too chicken shit to stand up to anyone and let people walk all over me...but lately i found my inner bitchiness and it gives me a kind of empowerment i didnt have before...and no the lesson of this is not BE A BITCH AND LIFE WILL BE BETTER....even tho that may work for u. These next few thoughts are my answers to life....well my answers to my life..and anyone else who chooses to be inspired or..confused...or just anything but this....
1. PeoPLe ThrIVe ON LoVE
Deny it all you want. Basiclaly people loving me makes me so much happier then them not loving me. I could lie to you but when people tell me they love me Its like an instant Euphora. Of course everyone that has the patience to read this far into my live journal should know that I am also in love. more in love with this boy then i have ever loved anyone in my life. and this may sound creepy but its entirely unintentional...im not trying to be a werido but if he tells me he loves me before i go to sleep...i sleep all peacefully and have good dreams but if hes kinda ticked off or i am being boring or something to that extent he wont say it, then ill sleep all weird and wake up alot...basically its gay.
2. I am so incredibly SELFISH
lately i complain and bitch all the fuckin time...an di was thinking its because im not happy. But really i am happy and i guess ive been assuming more material possesions or great opportunites would make me happier and TodaY i was sitting there Thinking WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME? ok big fuckin deal i dont have cable...or dsl....and i cant afford to shop at abercrombie and buy a new matching outfit every other day...but really...its just shit...its all just shit...a fire could come and burn up all my shit..and id still be me. id still have this amazing spirit that no one knows...and id probably still be happy. but really people today regard their personal possessions wayyyyyyyyyyyyyy too highly now. and im one of them and im stupid as hell and somebody should have slapped me upside the head a while ago and told me. cuse i am so much better off then some of these people in third world countries...Young african children are starving to death every day. I sit here and if i dont eat for a day or so my stomach does start to hurt, but can you imagine not eating for weeks? So here it is. i Have a house instead of living under a bridge, I eat at least one meal a day opposed to these dying kids in ethiopia, i have friends, im pretty much healthy and both of my parents are living. even if they are assholes at time. at least i have them and ..big deal they are overprotective but...at least they care and arent some like drug addicts who suck dick for coke. so i need to stop my bitching and just be really happy for all the wonderful things i have in my life...which brings me to my next topic.
3. THE WoNdErFuL thiNGs In My LiFE
1. I am Loved, someone actually confessed to loving me. So amazed.
2. IM a SobEr SisteR. i have a few friends that drink alot..its lame
3. I hAvE AwEsOMe FRiEndS. no matter what happens these cats are here.
4. Ive had a lot of mexican food lately..also thanks to der for lunch.
5. i think im amazing. and for a little over a year and half ago wanting to kill myself cuse i thought life sucked so much...i think its ok to be a bit conceited when thinking of myself.
so theres my little confession....im a lame amazing girl who is way to selfish and has no realized it and has decided to quit...i may need help...im in love.....so much......i also dont expect anyoen to read this entire thing, or write a response or even care about any of this but its ilke something i needed to do to help myself realize what my problem was lately and why i dont have any friends.
well i have like 5 real friends ..other then that..just some acquaintances that dont kno shit about me...well...thats all...i hope u enjoyed...perhaps even learned something tonight....
Peace*
Rochelle Marie Scheline....a.k.a. Rochelyn Cox
...by the way..i wish they would stop killing people in iraq, pakistand and Afgahnistan...its so pointless....pointless death is ridiculous
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